baket?
Posted by hotmommah at 01:42 AM on September 3, 2007.
baket ba me ibang tao na di na-aappreciate ung mga ginagawa mo sa kanila? baket kahit na bumubula na ung bibig mo kakapayo, di pa din cla nakikinig? baket sa bandang huli ikaw pang masama? baket pag ikaw naman ang me kailangan, wala sila jan?
Currently feeling: exhausted
5 years from now...
Posted by hotmommah at 06:07 AM on September 10, 2007.
baket nung bata ka pa andaling sagutin ng tanung na "what do you want to be when you grow up?" Dati gusto kong maging doctor, veterinarian, accountant... etc... etc... parang linggo-linggo nagbabago. baket ngayun di ko na alam....
i started working when i was 17. sa computer lab ng school ung unang work ko. i was an international student. sa school lang ako pede magwork nun. di pede sa labas. 6.50usd ung sweldo ko nun en every other friday ung payday. gang nung grumaduate ako nagwowork ako dun ng fulltime. wala akong ginawa kundi magsurf, magchat, magragnarok.... magrefill ng papel sa printer, i log in ang mga tangang students. rumaraket din ako pag exams na, tumatanggap din ako ng typing jobs. 20usd per page... ayus diba. tas nag-intern pa ko sa world bank for 3 months nun. sobrang okay magpasweldo ng world bank 15usd tas full time din at weekly ang sweldo.
parang laro-laro lang sakin ung trabaho nun. eto na talaga ung real world. nararamdaman ko na xa. 1 year 6 months na din akong nagkol-kol center. sa totoo lang ala akong balak pumasok sa ganitong work. sinubukan ko lang talaga. gusto ko kasi na ako lahat gagastos sa 1st bday ni kaycee. but hey nakakadalawang bday na ung anak ko!
trainer? qa? sme? sup? tm? om? rta? ewan ko. di ko alam... or baka di pa ko talaga ready? or... or... or... gusto ko lang talagang maging best mom and wife?
*HOW DO YOU SEE YOURSELF 5 YEARS FROM NOW?
yan ang question na nagpaiyak ke gemma... di ko alam kung me sagot na xa ngaun pero ako malabo pa din eh...
5 years? ang habang time nun! andaming pedeng mangyari. pero to see my self 5 years from now... di ko pa din masagot. ang loser ko noh? or wala lang talagang direkson ung buhay ko. siguro 2 na anak ko nun. sana by then stable na kami at di na kung san-san nakikitira. sana marunong na kong magluto ng tutuong food huh at di puro hotdog at prito lang. sana kami pa din ni kurl. sana ok na kami ng in-laws ko. sana by then alam ko na talaga kung anung gusto kong gawin sa buhay ko. sana naka-decide na ko kung anung career talagang gusto ko. sana i still have this blog para makita ko kung anung na-achive ko.
Currently listening to: how to save a life - the fray
Currently feeling: confused
*sigh
Posted by hotmommah at 01:34 AM on September 17, 2007.
loneliness is taking over me...
i miss my lynelle...
Currently feeling: lonely
still searching
Posted by hotmommah at 08:44 AM on September 24, 2007.
it's been a month since we moved sa tita ko sa cavite.
up till now ala pa din akong ideal place na nahahanap for my lil family.
there's a lot of things to consider
1. kailangan maganda ung environment. peaceful.
2. dapat compund din ung place or at least my gate para safe sa baby ko.
3. dat affordable din ung place.
and the list goes on...
i'm so tired...
...tired of walking sa mga iskinita...
...tired of going to buyandsellph.com...
...tired of making tinala and look for a "for rent" sign...
...tired of calling people and ask if the place is still available...
i wish.... nevermind...
Currently feeling: tired
dad's lil girl and proud of it!
Posted by hotmommah at 09:04 AM on September 26, 2007.
"anak lahat ng sobra masama"... lagi yang sinasabi saking ng dad ko.
too much food (nakakasakit ng tyan)
too much love (nakakasakal)
too much freedom (nakakapag pariwara)
too much kindness (nakakaabuso)
too much sex (nakakabuntis... hehehe)
too much intelligence (nakakabaliw)
tinuruan din ako ng dad ko not to get jelous. minsan kasi naingit ako sa cousin ko nung nauna xang makascooter kesa sakin. sabi ni papa "wag kang maiingit. magkakaroon ka din nian, pero di pa ngayun".
i was raised by a single parent. dadi na mami pa. di kami mayaman. tama lang. alang job ung dad ko, pero i was sent to a private school. di nagkulang si papa, sa pangangaral sakin.
i remembered once pinagalitan nia ko. i visited my grand parents kasi sa mother side tas sinagot ko ung lola ko. sabi ng dad ko "anak wag ganun. baka isipin nila ganyan ang tinuturo ko sau."
todo support sakin si papa. he let me decide sa mga bagay bagay. kahit na maaga ko nabuntis at nagasawa anjan pa din xa. di nagbago ung samahan namen. pinabayaan nia kong maging independent. ung pagiging matatag at maparaan ko, nakuha ko sa kanya.
now, what i'm trying to figure out is... magiging ganito kaya ako kung di ganun ung pagpapalaki sakin ni papa? guess not...
fave nia tong song na toh eh
BATANG BATA KA PA
I
Batang-bata ka pa at marami ka
pang
Kailangang malaman at intindihin sa
mundo
Yan ang totoo
Nagkakamali ka kung akala mo na
Ang buhay ay isang mumunting
paraiso lamang
Batang-bata ka lang at akala mo na
Na alam mo na ang lahat na
kailangan
mong malaman
Buhay ay di ganyan
Tanggapin mo na lang ang
katotohanan
Na ikaw ay isang musmos lang
Na wala pang alam
Makinig ka na lang, makinig ka na
lang
II
Ganyan talaga ang buhay
Lagi kang nasasabihan
Pagkat ikaw ay bata
At wala pang nalalaman
Makinig ka sa 'king payo
Pagkat musmos ka lamang
At malaman nang maaga
Ang wasto sa kamalian
III
Batang-bata ako at nalalaman ko
Inaamin ko rin na kulang ang aking
Nalalaman at nauunawaan
Ngunit kahit ganyan ang kinalalagyan
Alam ko na may karapatan
Ang bawat nilalang
Kahit bata pa man, kahit bata pa man
Nais ko sanang malamanang mali sa
katotohanan
Sariling pagdaranas ang aking
pamamagitan
Imulat ang isipan sa mga kulay ng
buhay
Maging tunay na malaya sa
katangi-tanging bata
Batang-bata ka pa at marami ka
pang
Kailangang malaman at intindihin sa
mundo
"Nais ko sanang malaman
ang mali sa katotohanan"
Batang-bata ka lang at akala mo na
Na alam mo na ang lahat na
kailangan mong malaman
Sariling pagdaranas ang aking
pamamagitan"
Nagkakamali ka kung akala mo na
Ang buhay ay isang mumunting
paraiso lamang...
la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la...
lagi din nia tong kinakanta
FATHER AND SON
Its not time to make a change,
Just relax, take it easy.
Youre still young, thats your fault,
Theres so much you have to know.
Find a girl, settle down,
If you want you can marry.
Look at me, I am old, but Im happy.
I was once like you are now, and I know that its not easy,
To be calm when youve found something going on.
But take your time, think a lot,
Why, think of everything youve got.
For you will still be here tomorrow, but your dreams may not.
How can I try to explain, when I do he turns away again.
Its always been the same, same old story.
From the moment I could talk I was ordered to listen.
Now theres a way and I know that I have to go away.
I know I have to go.
Its not time to make a change,
Just sit down, take it slowly.
Youre still young, thats your fault,
Theres so much you have to go through.
Find a girl, settle down,
If you want you can marry.
Look at me, I am old, but Im happy.
(son-- away away away, I know I have to
Make this decision alone - no)
All the times that I cried, keeping all the things I knew inside,
Its hard, but its harder to ignore it.
If they were right, Id agree, but its them you know not me.
Now theres a way and I know that I have to go away.
I know I have to go.
(father-- stay stay stay, why must you go and
Make this decision alone? )
pa, thanks huh. miss na kita : C
Currently feeling: thankful
ayoko na ata...
Posted by hotmommah at 07:01 PM on September 27, 2007.
lately i've been thinking.... i want to quit. i don't to work here anymore.
i want to have a normal life. i want to be there when my daughter needs me. gusto ko ako din ung katabi niang natutulog sa gabi at di ung maid.
my family is the only reason kung baket ako nandito. i want to give lynelle a better life. pero anu naman ung better life if wala ako sa tabi nia?
i wasn't there when she first walked. i was not the one who heard her say her first word. i wasn't with her for her first haircut.
it seems that there's no reason for me to stay here. nothing at all...
Currently feeling: tired
