in deep thoughts
Posted by hotmommah at 01:41 PM on March 15, 2008.
I had a conversation last night with my sup/coffee buddy karlo that made me think....
What if Kurl and I never got married? Would we still be together?
What if I just kept our lil princess? Is she gonna have a different father?
Is it really hard for single mom na makakita ng right guy na mag-a-accept sa kanya at sa baby nia and treat the baby na parang kanya talaga? (Am I making any sense?) Let's just put it this way... Kunyari I'm sa single mom... and things didn't work out between me and Kurl. Meron kayang guy jan somewhere na magkakainteres pa sakin kahit na me anak na ko? At meron bang guy na tatanggap ke Kaycee at ituturung na parang anak na din nia?
Sabi ni Karlo mahirap daw un... Hindi naman daw ako tulad ni Kris Aquino na famous at makakabingwit pa na katulad ni James Yap na pinakasalan xa at tunuturing na parang anak na din nia si Josh.
Is it really true?
Currently listening to: Hate that I Love You - Rihanna
Currently reading: my post
Currently watching: my reflection in the mirror
Currently feeling: curious
reminiscing
Posted by hotmommah at 02:22 PM on March 20, 2008.
March 20, 2005 - Aberdeen Court Makati (GreatEastern Hotel)
at around this time i was getting ready for our big day. probably having a pictorial and the camera men and some of my relatives are watching pacquiao's match with eric morales where pacman lost.
later i will be walking down the aisle with my mom and dad (nagkasundo naman sila kahit na 1 day just for me) and kurl is waiting in front, wearing his barong and black slacks with a new haircut.
it was like a family reunion. our relatives and close friends were there to witness our "pagiisang dibdib". kumanta si ate mariel and kuya christian (sis and bro ni kurl), my mom and kurl surprised me with a song number. trivia: i love the movie 50 first dates and pagkapa ko ung grow old with you lagi nia sinasabi na di daw nia makapa un. pero he sang it on our wedding.
we've been together for 7 years and married for 3 years now pero i'm proud to say na me spark pa din. we still go out on a date, inuman (minsan kahit kami 2 lang)...
i'm very much happy with our relationship. kurl has been so patient with me and my bitchy attitude. he's been nice enough to just let me do what ever i want and let me go where ever i wanna go (trust ba tawag dun or kampante xa maxado?) oh well.... we manage to stay together through ups and downs.
kurl has always been there for me. when i gave birth, kahit na me mapasok xa nagpaalam xa sa CI (clinical instructor) nia. when i'm sick, inaalagaan nia ko, binabantayan, pinapakain... when i feel down for what ever reason, i ha-hug nia ako at sasabihin na "pagod lang yan. matulog ka na" at lalo ako iiyak.
he knows how to calm me down when i'm mad. he knows how to make me smile when i'm sad. he knows how to treat me well...
i'm glad that i'll be growing old with him...
happy 3rd year annive bi! love you. muah
Currently listening to: i wanna grow old with you - adam sandler
Currently reading: my yahoo emails
Currently feeling: thankful
sa aking pagtanda
Posted by hotmommah at 02:14 PM on March 26, 2008.
since the month started, i've been going home early since i have to take care of kaycee... rilyebo kasi kami ni kurl. ako sa gabi, si kurl sa tanghali.
last night nung papasok na ko sa pinto... ala akong nadidinig na tvng bukas. alang ilaw. when i entered nagiintay ako na me bumati sakin ng "mami... andito ako..." pero ala. hinatid ni kurl si kaycee sa qc dun sa lola nia.
i felt different. ung para bang me kulang. parang di ako sanay. maka-mami kasi ung anak ko.
when i turned on the tv... playhouse disney... fixed na dun ung channel since un lang ung gustong pinapanuod ng amin lil angel. so i ended up watching "make way for noddy".
with teary eye i asked kurl, who was sleeping then, "bat mu hinatid si kaycee? di ba xa umiyak kasi ayaw naman nia dun eh? binili mo ba cya ng gatas? sino ng katabi kong matulog?". kurl looked at me and said, "bat ka umiiyak? para kang timang. 3 days lang naman dun si kaycee susunduin ko na ulit. andaming unan jan... adi un ung itabi mo... nabeberat ka na naman. matulog ka na nga. pagod lang yan". i expected that.....
oo nga naman... bat ba ko umiiyak? mabilis lang naman si kaycee dun. pero ayaw himinto ng luha ko... (yeah... kahit na ganito akong mabunganga at maingay pagdating dun malambot ang puso ko.) naisip ko kasi na si kaycee lang ung magtya-tyagang maalaga sakin pagtanda ko.
tas bigla kong naisip, ung forwarded email na sinend sakin, it's a letter from a parent to his child when he got old. here it goes:
Sa aking pagtanda, unawain mo sana ako at pagpasensyahan. Kapag dala ng kalabuan ng mata ay nakabasag ako ng pinggan o nakatapon ng sabaw sa hapag kainan, huwag mo sana akong kagagalitan. Maramdamin ang isang matanda. Nagse-self-pity ako a tuwing sisigawan mo ako.
Kapag mahina na ang tenga ko at hindi ko maintindihan ang sinasabi mo, huwag mo naman sana akong sabihan ng "binge!" paki-ulit nalang ang sinabi mo o pakisulat nalang. Pasensya ka na, anak. Matanda na talaga ako.
Kapag mahina na tuhod ko, pagtiyagaan mo sana akong tulungang tumayo, katulad ng pag-aalalay ko sa iyo noong nag-aaral ka pa lamang lumakad.
Pagpasensyahan mo sana ako kung ako man ay nagiging makulit at paulit ulit na parang sirang plaka. Basta pakinggan mo nalang ako.
Huwag mo sana akong pagtatawanan o pagsasawaang pakinggan. Natatandaan mo anak noong bata ka pa? kapag gusto mo ng lobo,paulit-ulit mo 'yong sasabihin, maghapon kang mangungulit hangga't hindi mo nakukuha ang gusto mo. Pinagtyagaan ko ang kakulitan mo.
Pagpasensyahan mo na rin sana ang aking amoy. Amoy matanda, amoy lupa. Huwag mo sana akong piliting maligo. Mahina na ang katawan ko. Madaling magkasakit kapag nalamigan, huwag mo sana akong pandirihan. Natatandaan mo noong bata ka pa? Pinatyagaan kitang habulin sa ilalim ng kama kapag ayaw mong maligo.
Pagpasensyahan mo sana kung madalas, ako'y masungit, dala na marahil ito ng katandaan. Pagtanda mo, maiintindihan mo rin.
Kapag may konti kang panahon, magkwentohan naman tayo, kahit sandali lang. inip na ako sa bahay, maghapong nag-iisa. Walang kausap. Alam kong busy ka sa trabaho, subalit nais kong malaman mo na sabik na sabik na akong makakwentohan ka, kahit alam kong hindi ka interesado sa mga kwento ko. Natatandaan mo anak, noong bata ka pa? Pinagtyagaan kong pakinggan at intindihin ang pautal-utal mong kwento tungkol sa iyong teddy bear.
At kapag dumating ang sandali na ako'y magkakasakit at maratay sa banig ng karamdaman, huwga mo sana akong pagsawaan alagaan.
Pagpasensyahan mo na sana kung ako man ay maihi o madumi sa higaan, pagtyagaan mo sana akong alagaan sa mga huling sandali ng aking buhay. Tutal hindi na naman ako magtatagal.
Kapag dumating ang sandali ng aking pagpanaw, hawakan mo sana ang aking kamay at bigyan mo ako ng lakas ng loob na harapin ang kamatayan.
At huwag kang mag-alala, kapag kaharap ko na ang Diyos na lumikha, ibubulong ko sa kanya na pagapalain ka sana dahil naging mapagmahal ka sa iyong ama't ina.
Currently listening to: barely breathing
Currently feeling: sad
an open letter
Posted by hotmommah at 07:40 PM on March 28, 2008.
Dear Mr. Cock Roach spirit,
I know you we're at my place last night... please don't deny it. I felt you... you're tiny, spiky legs crawling in my arm. I bet you though i was asleep then huh.... oh no.... wrong move baby.... I shook you off... and when I turned on the light... you didn't even hide. How brave? I quickly grabbed my Havaianas slipper and smash the hell out of you! Poor lil thing that’s what you get ... I’m sorry but I have no mercy... you're so lucky though... you know being hit by my new Havaianas slipper.
I know you still have some relatives and friends lurking around our place when we are not around or when the lights are out so... i spray some "RAID" before I leave. Probably you can warn them to just leave our place for good because next time me, Kurl or Kaycee sees some of your clan we will not hesitate to kill them too... just what i did to you!
From your not-so-friendly housemate.
Currently listening to: won't go home without you - maroon 5
Currently reading: pinkisthenewblog.com
Currently feeling: accomplished
